Today, in England it is expected that hundreds of thousands of public sector workers will go on strike in protest at changes to their pensions, including around 600,000 teachers.

It's expected that about two thirds of all schools will be affected in some way - one third to close entirely and one third to be "partially affected".

The British Chambers of Commerce have said that many parents would lose pay for taking the day off work to look after their children, and productivity would be hit.
All because of greedy teachers...

Greedy, grasping teachers.

I don't know about you but I bloody hate teachers.

I hate the way they lord it over everyone and hold the country to ransom. I hate the way that nobody appoints them yet they take it upon themselves to be in charge.

I hate the way that we have to pander to these scumbags by awarding them more and more bonuses otherwise they'll take their expertise to rivals.

I hate the way they can vote to give themselves pay-rises and how they make a mockery of the expenses and allowances systems or claim the rent for their second homes that are subsequently found out to be owned by their spouses or their children.

Or the way they steal taxpayer's cash by pretending to live with their dead mum.

I hate that they can take on extra consultancy work for massive multi-nationals and I hate the way they try and get their partners to take the blame for their driving misdemeanours.

Teachers are right freeloading parasites.

They swan around the halls of their palaces in their ermine gowns, falling asleep at conferences, spouting libel about footballers safe in the knowledge that they are above the law, claiming money for duck islands and having their moats cleaned - they make me fucking sick.

I hate the way they talk so casually about rape, the way they want to halve the sentences of convicted criminals, the way they use rent-boys, the way they father illegitimate children with their staff, and how they have extra-marital affairs with their husband's bodyguards or sometimes with the wives of international arms dealers.

I hate how they award massive contracts to their friends and take charge of entire departments, without having any specialist knowledge in that area, and then fill the place with their cronies.

And I don't think I can ever forgive them for taking us to war in Iraq.

Bloody teachers. I don't know how they sleep at night....

That was teachers, wasn't it?

Yeah. I'm sure it was.

At least I think it was.

Anyway, thank fuck for Michael Gove! He's got the measure of these greedy bastards. Oh yes. he's not going to take any shit from them.

(Which is odd, looking at him. The little Pob-faced dweeb looks EXACTLY like someone who spent his school days hanging around the staffrooms trying to ingratiate himself with teachers by spragging on his fellow pupils... 
I just bet he was a Hall Monitor.)

No, PobGove has let these evil, selfish teachers know exactly what he thinks of bloody teachers by writing a massive article in The Sun saying that they are letting down the children of Britain by making them have a day off - as opposed to a couple of months ago when they all had a random spattering of public and religious holidays followed by a day off for a Royal Wedding.

But that was different.
That was a distraction from politics.

But now Teachers are trying to make people interested in politics. It's like they just can't stop themselves from teaching all the bloody time.

When I was a kid I was told that teaching was it's own reward - so why are we even paying these people??

Thankfully, PobGove isn't going to back down.

Unlike previous times when he's shat his mouth off (no that's not a typo) and then had to do a complete about face. You know, like he did over the academies, and the faith schools, the cuts in the school-sports budgets, the free books scheme or the suggestion that teachers who couldn't make it into their own schools during the snowstorms earlier this year should just turn up at any school they like on the way and take over a class.

I mean, how hard is it to be a teacher?

Anyone can do it, according to PobGove, and what's more anyone SHOULD do it. PobGove thinks we should all rock up to any schools that are closed today and, y'know, just teach the kids. Doddle.

What could possibly go wrong with that?


Anyway, it's all part of the Big Society, you see. We do our own jobs then spend a few hours doing the simple things like running libraries, being a civil servant, work in the armed forces or teach.

In The Sun, PobGove explains, with the help of a visual aid of a massive wad of cash, that teachers pensions could reach a £24,000 per year - based on a pension pot of £400,000 that they would have accummulated over 40 years of constant nurturing and educating.

The greedy shits.

How dare they?

If they want to make a load of money why don't they just do what PobGove does and decorate their homes to an elaborately luxurious extent and then claim all the money back?

Or simply charge the public £14,000 for moving out of that home after just 5 months?

Or claim for coffee spoons? Or elephant lamps? Or patio furniture? It all adds up...

It's not like he can afford to buy all this stuff himself. An Education secretary only makes around £64,766 a year.

But teachers, pfff!, they just want something for nothing.

And what do they do for all that money?

They lounge around in over-sized classrooms full of out of control, barely literate, knife-wielding little hoodies with anti-social and behavioural problems, get physically, mentally and verbally abused on a daily basis by pupils and parents, all the while they are patronised and condescended to by the people who are constantly constraining them with new guidelines and an ever-changing curriculum.

Oh yeah.

That's teachers isn't it?

If the teachers want to strike they should. If they feel that the way that they are being treated is untenable then they have a democratic right to withhold their skills.

The Government should be on the side of teachers, it should be supporting them rather than blaming them.

As for Labour? It's disgusting that they cannot ally themselves with the people who mould the Nation's future.

  Public sector workers (civil servants, local government workers, NHS staff, members of the armed forces, teachers, police, firefighters, judicial and atomic workers) who the government proposes should lose their final salary pension schemes and move to career-average schemes
  Public sector workers (MPs) who the government is not proposing should lose their final salary pension schemes and move to career-average schemes
(courtesy of Private Eye)

It's no wonder there is little interest in politics these days when both sides act EXACTLY the same.

There's a popular FB status going around at the moment which kind of sums it up:

"Remember when teachers, nurses, doctors and lollipop ladies crashed the stock market, wiped out banks, took billions in bonuses and paid no tax? 
No, me neither. 
Please copy and paste to your status for 24 hours to show your support for the strikes against the government's latest attack on pensions."

It's not teachers who are letting the nation's children down, it's the mixed messages they are getting from our leaders.

If you're going to be corrupt then be massively corrupt.

If you're going to be bad at your job be massively bad at your job to the extent that you bring down the institution you work for.

If you're going to steal - steal billions.

If you're going to lie or libel - become an MP.

As one brilliant Twitterer put it - "Thatcher took my milk. Now Cameron wants my pension!"

I think people are finally getting sick of being told to tighten their belts by people in much more expensive trousers.

Trousers that we've probably paid for.


If you enjoyed this post you might want to read the excellent
  Independent column by comedian Mark Steel.
In fact, you should read it every week as he is consistently brilliant.


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JoyfulA said...

Wow! That's brilliant. Thank you for writing it.

Anonymous said...

"An Education secretary only makes around £64,766 a year. "

That's Gove's salary as an MP... as a Cabinet minister, he gets more on top - his total salary is £134,565.

Anonymous said...

A very impressed teacher. I have shared this through Facebook and Twitter for my friends to see. I have been shouting at the tv alot recently, especially the people who have slammed us for dispruting their child care arrangements. Thank you for your support :o)

Sobotka said...

Utter genius

GREEN Communications said...

What gets me is that all MPs - Lab, Lib-Dem, Tory - have 100 per cent proof pensions regardless of how long they have been in Parliament. Miliband should be ashamed of himself for denouncing the strike.
Well done Mr Williams

Anonymous said...

Oh aren't you all just so terribly clever??!! It's fine for teachers to take time off and spout about parents not liking you changing the childcare arrangements but if you DARE take your OWN child out of school without the permission of a teacher, one of them rings you up and tries to question you in your own home.
Threatens you with letters and the fact that your child will fall desperately behind with the SATS (ahhhhhh not ticking all the boxes?) and that you are a dreadful parent
Not to mention all the training days off and the amount of homework in the early key stages! Can't they manage to teach properly during class hours?
Do they really need to impinge on home time? But we are supposed to feel sorry for them, boo bloody hoo.
Of course, the endorsement of the Independent just about sums it up. A bunch of liberal nonsense.

Anonymous said...

Very amusing with a serious message - I honestly don't begrudge MP's their perks but don't understand why they begrudge them for everyone else!

Public sector pensions should have been the model that all the private sector aspired to - sure it means higher taxes at upper levels but I believe you get what you are prepared to pay for.

Instead of bleating on an on about how we need to save money why not focus on what can be done to generate more so that everyone can have a protected pension fund

I am afraid the only way to achieve this is a return to the top tax rate of 99p in the £ which morally is very fair as no one EARNS more than £100k a year but many get it!

Anonymous said...

To the person complaining about teachers chasing up absences - please remember this is local authority and government policy not the teachers - they are doing what they are told to do.

I am radical in that I think education should be like employment and operate right through the year with people booking holiday periods for both children and teachers - the system needs to be changed radically to make it work but it is no different to what all other businesses have to do - the educational fixed years are in my view an unecessary thing today (I am not saying that children work more overall - though 9.00-5.00 would seem pretty reasonably too