13.2.14

TWO HEARTS - A Valentine's Day Gift To You

A ROMANTIC MEAL:

"Waiter! There's a hair in my soup!"
"No there isn't."
"Excuse me?!"
"There isn't a hair in your soup."
"I beg your pardon?!"
"You're not in a restaurant."
"What?"
"You're not in a restaurant. You're still at home."

"Um..."

"And that's not soup. It's cold tea. In a casserole dish. Because you haven't washed up for three weeks."
"Now, look here..."
"Three weeks. You've been sat there, in the dark, for three weeks. Ever since she left you."

"Ha. Um... Waiter!"

"And I'm not a waiter. In fact, there's no-one here."

"Oh."

PAUSE

"Should I put some trousers on then?"

"I'd be obliged, sir."




INTERMISSION


A SMALL DO:




"Well, I didn't really want a Big Do, so a church wedding was out."
"Right."
"No flowers. Except the bouquet. I could get a Taxi to the Registry. And I might as well just hire the dress rather than buy it."
"Right."
"I mean, there's no point in throwing good money after bad, as my Dad kept on saying.."
"Right."
"...And the Reception would've been small too..."
"Right."
"... so that's when I thought 'ELOPE!' Just elope!"
"Right."
"Elope! Just do it. People do. They just do."
"Yeah."
"They do do it... They run away."

PAUSE

"So, which is your car?"
"Um. Sorry?"
"You've been here three hours, love. It's a garage. Which is your car?"
"Oh. None of them. I can't drive. 

It was raining. Sorry."

PAUSE

"Here careful! Watch your train, love! There's oil there!"
"It's OK."

"Well. Um... You might not get your deposit back."


"It's OK.
They know me." 




HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY